A year ago today my mom’s sister passed away unexpectedly. It was sudden, and due to a short illness. While cleaning out my Aunt Donna’s house, my cousin (and her son) Laurel found a list entitled, “Ten Reasons to Live,” and it was exactly that: a list of the most simple, profound, and touching reasons why she should keep going.
My Aunt struggled with depression and was pretty open about it towards the end of her life; I don’t think I’d share these details if she wasn’t. My cousin Darla, her daughter, had also dealt with depression and after Darla died because of it, my Aunt decided that she needed to be honest about her own struggles. At a family reunion one hot July day in 2003, my Aunt announced that she suffered from bi-polar disorder and then gave the whole family a mini-lesson in what that meant for her and for us. I don’t know if I was ever more proud of her than that moment. She was so brave.
This list that Laurel found, which he read aloud at her funeral service, was probably written during a very dark moment in my Aunt’s life. I think she probably wrote it because she needed to write it. Because if she didn’t have that list as a reference, she wouldn’t be able to get up or make food or otherwise function. When I first heard her reasons to live, my heart swelled and nearly broke. When I first saw the list scratched out on a sheet of notebook paper, I gasped.
Hearing and seeing that list reminded me and my family that despite her death, my Aunt won the battle. She died too soon and too young and it felt massively unfair but, if there can be any comfort in anything when you’re grieving, her depression did not win.
My Aunt kept going so that God could help her create the best Donna possible, and despite sometimes feeling like the world was closing in on her, she stuck to it every day and I don’t think that anything–especially that stupid disease–got the best of her.
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Pat O'Connor - Whit- I was amazingly touched by this post and also stunned to realize that it appears your aunt and uncle died on the same day a year apart? I am so sorry for your losses….
Love,
Patty
whitney - Patty – thanks for the comment & the love. Yes, it is stunning. We had a feeling that it would be close to the anniversary of my Aunt’s death but not this close. Regardless of whatever faith one has or lacks, it’s hard not to think of them together now. I like to imagine they’re playing rummy.
Bill in Texas - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXrWRM0E6YA
(found my way here via Twitter. a good thing for me today to read what your aunt wrote. thank you.)
Kim - Wow. I can’t remember how I found my way to your post, but I bookmarked this. Thank you so much for sharing it. This is the list of a great lady, it would appear! A better, more proactive version of counting your blessings.