I have a confession to make: last night I bought some things from the Target dollar area. You know, that place at the front of the store that seems to always have the thing you almost totally need? I got a cheap “autumn wreath,” a gold stamp pad, some fall-themed rubber stamps, and two packs of colored tissue paper.They’re all sitting in a bag in my living room, with all the other crap I still need to sort through and purge.
I promised myself I would curb this most mindless of my mindless spending habits, and up until last night I had done well. I don’t mean to beat myself up over this too much, I really don’t, because I know it’s about the bigger picture and it’s not worth getting bogged down in these little setbacks.
The mindlessness part. It kills me. It wasn’t until I was walking out of the sliding double doors that I thought to myself, “What did I just buy?” and “Why did I buy them?” Both serious questions. It bothered me that I didn’t have immediate, concrete answers to either.
This all reminds me of a visit my mom and I made to Kansas once when I was in high school. We were staying with some family in Marion, which is a very small town with few options for entertainment and shopping. After a day and a half inside my Uncle’s house, during which time we played cards, consumed home-cooked meals, watched movies, read, and slept, both my mom and I were stir-crazy. My mother said, in explaining to my family why we needed to get in the car and take a ride into town, “I haven’t spent anything in two days, come on, I need to go to the store.” We hadn’t talked about our shared boredom in those terms but that’s exactly how I felt! I hadn’t been somewhere where I could buy something, and it was driving me nuts.In case you’re wondering, we ended up renting a movie on my mom’s dime and heading back to my Uncle’s.
I stopped by Target on my way to campus last night for no real reason. Because I could, because I needed to see what was there and have that brief post-purchase bliss that makes me feel like everything is coming together in my life because I bought some dumb rubber stamps. The more reflection I give my consuming habits the most absurd the whole thing is, including that very real “everything is coming together” bliss. I’m a smart lady but I here I go falling for that same mind trick again and again.
I have to laugh, otherwise I might cry!